Talking to the group
My final piece of the jigsaw to come out of the box was for me to see the pain of being a birth mother. This was done in a way which allowed me to see my pain and finally acknowledge how I felt about it.
The group were a mixed bunch of men and women who were in some cases fostering and were being considered as parents to adopt. I was a birth mother from the old rules of closed adoption and there were two often not the same women who had open adoptions.
There were also people who had been adopted men and women. Plus over the time two men who’s children had been adopted. Although this was rare in this group, it was a side I had not seen before.
The first time I told my story I was a little shocked that people who were listening were also crying. This was my pain and I was giving it away,but not feeling it. Over the coming months I started to own that pain and the view although tense and silent was not the same.
Bit by painful bit, I began to claim the pain as my own and although I did not see Phil as much at that time, I did have to ring and meet up with her following these group meetings. The last meeting was powerful and I am grateful for being able to tell my tale. I knew that I was now whole and would remain so.
They asked questions of me and I always answered. These people varied and different, helped me to see my pain. It was very real and raw. Like all bereavement and loss it is different.
Many counsellors know of ways to help with closure and I chose one of these to finally say goodbye to my baby. He is a man now I know what he is now called and when asked will give the only name he knows …….. I often wonder will I like the man he has become.
That is not important what matters is that HE likes the man he has become.
The End
Signed The Whole ME
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Allan,
I wish you luck with your search and hope you get what you are looking for.
You must remember this is my story and your Birth Mother has her own.
Thank you for your comment Lucy x
Whoa,
I have spent the night reading this story from start to finish, such emotion and insight into something I had not understood from a birth mother’s perspective. I am adopted and am looking for my birth parents right now.
Thanks for sharing this, so moved.
I admire you Lucy some of life’s decisions are hard.
Sending hugs to you
Nothing but admiration for you Lucy, you did a difficult thing in a good way.
God bless you.