a kid covers his face in fear of being bulliedDavid,

This email is probably the hardest and most difficult I will ever have written. I’m not sure if I should try to reign my anger in or just let you have all of the anger and bile pent up inside me.

Many years ago when I first moved to … you chose to befriend me. Little did I know that you were only grooming me for stardom in the play you acted out which involved me being beaten physically and mentally scarred for life. One day you would be my best mate then the very next day I was your little toy along with a few others, the only difference between me and them is that they were doing the beating and I was taking it.

Every day of my life back then was filled with fear and trepidation. Would it be today or will I be let off, would it be tomorrow or will I get away another day. That is how my life has been since then right until now.

I have chosen to take this matter in hand and address you head on. It is true I have been spurred on by another part in my life but if this means some sort of closure I will gladly take it.

David how could you have been so cruel?

Did you not realise what you were doing?

Can you look back now and see what you done?

How would you have liked to be that person on the end of the beatings, or worse still your children.

Ten years ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and to this day I have still no recovered. I am now in a position whereby I want to recover and am starting the recovery process but let me tell you that those ten years have been some of the darkest days of my life. Not to mention my family and friends. My wife has suffered on the back of this terribly, so much so that my marriage is now in danger of crumbling.

My wife has and is still suffering from my breakdown and my personality change as has my son who is falling now into a spiral of depression just like I did.

Would this be if I had not been bullied by you all those years ago. I can only hope and pray that my son does not follow in my footsteps.

I even contemplated suicide, believe me it is not easy to tell you this but to live through this is even worse.

I am a different person now to the one I was before the breakdown, I’m not sure yet what kind of person that is even now. Before my breakdown I was a nice happy go lucky person with a slightly tainted past that was managed? I don’t know how. I am now only a shell of the person I was and it may take years to recover anywhere near that person. I hope that I can even be a better person.

At this point in time I have no forgiveness, I am not in a place whereby I can give you that forgiveness. I am only penning this in the hope that I can rid myself or begin to rid myself of the feelings of despair, fear and most of all the anger inside of me that has been bubbling away until now. As I write this the tears are dropping onto the keyboard and I am beginning to sob.

David – KNOW MY PAIN