![A mans head in silohette](https://uk-1fe3d.kxcdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/mybabiesfather-150x150.jpg)
I had not had a boyfriend and really did not want one, what I did need was to prove I was lovable and could be loved. Oh this boy loved me and this makes me feel sick and sad to say this, but I had no feelings for him at all, he could have been anyone. Would I tell his son this if he knocked on the door? I think not.
We all like to think we are a child of love. My baby was a baby of love. The day it was put to me that if he ever came searching, he would ask about his father, I was shocked and would not even consider it. You see to this day, I would be happy to meet the man my baby has become, but to meet his father again, would fill me with shame.
This is the bit of me that I do not like, the bit I would not and do not like to look at. I worried that my child would expect me to meet up with his birth father again.
Today, I know how I would deal with that, as I have had many years to think about it, but for a long time it filled me with dread, plus the real bit of me knows, it may never happen.