The Beginning.
It was a week after my parents discovered I was pregnant and I was on a train with my mother to the start of my new life. I had a life before that and I knew I would have a life following that, but this journey made me whole.
With older parents and a very restricted life I often wonder how I had time to get pregnant, yes that is said with a smile and laugh. My mother took me to a place that I felt was many many miles from home. I was not taken to the mother and baby unit as my parents had not contacted there or indeed even thought about it at that stage.
She found me a room and paid for 3 weeks, gave me some life lessons, took me to the Job centre as it is called nowadays. Told me what to put on the paper work and left. You see what people thought of them and she said ME was important I must not tell anyone. I did not for years and years.
When I think of this and the trusting child I was it seems hard to believe. I have been asked many times was I not worried that she would not return and the answer is a very big NO. Did I cry or was I upset again no. I just loved the freedom and the being me the real me, all day and night and I slept well and deeply.
There must have been something about me at that time as I did not attract people or have the need to talk to or make friends. It was nice to be alone with my baby growing inside me. Although this was not something anyone could see at that time.
I got a job and worked for many months, well two jobs but that is not important. I was paid money and could buy with it what I wished. Although my nature was not to spend. I did buy things for my baby. I was given a list, how far along the line that was I do not remember. I worked my way down it each time I was paid. That’s another thing no one ever asked me If I was pregnant.
I thought those days would never end, but they did. My mother arrived to take me to the mother and baby unit my case was packed my notice was given and she took all the money I had saved and handed me a little, very little back. She said that I was making her life expensive, how could she justify that. Really that was her problem and not mine but it was a fact.
That was they day they called me Lucy and I again discovered how different I am. I made not one friend in that place all the other’s went about in groups and I liked being myself and did not seek others out. I am different now and have friends and make bad choices in people but I am still learning.
My son was born one late afternoon on a day they cleaned out the delivery room, so I was not popular and was told so in no uncertain terms. To go forward here at the birth mothers group I was to learn that many young girls did not even know what was going to happen at the birth, but I was prepared as I went to the library and read all I could on the subject.
You see at that stage I still did not think that my baby would be taken away from me. Following the birth the baby was taken to the nursery and I would not see him until 6am the next morning. He was handed to me with a baby bottle and then they left me.
I now know how lucky I was as I knew what to do and could feed change and wind and I did. Oh the joy of holding him in my arms the smell the feel the touch. Lots of the young girls had no idea and I was told by people they just cried as they had no idea what to do and no one to ask.
Here, I am going to tell you the only story that is not mine. In the nursery was a girl with a baby that was 4 months old it had what others called water on the brain (encephalitic) One day for what ever reason I was late to arrive to feed and everyone but this woman and her baby girl were gone. She had been there every time I fed but I had taken no notice.
She had a bowl of baby porridge and a spoon and the baby was screaming. I asked what was the matter as I had never seen the baby so upset before. She burst into tears and told me she could not get the baby to take any of the food and they would be back soon and shout at her. These were the caring people that provided the so called safe place for us to be.
I told her to hand the baby to me and for her to take mine and feed him, she did I then showed her how to feed a baby from a spoon she watched and learned. I have to say I got a shock at the weight of the babies head although I hope it did not register on my face. That baby was one of the unlucky ones that would never be adopted and would spend its life in a home
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Related articles:
- Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 1&2
- Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 3
- Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 4
- Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 5
- Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 6
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