I have lots of names and will no doubt have many more before my life is over, some are fleeting, whilst others are more lasting – Baby, oddles, teenager, girl, girlfriend, woman, wife, partner, mother, mum and grandma.
Then there are the pet names that parents and people close to us call us as a terms of endearment. The names and labels we are given in the street and in the playground – Fatty, skinny. liar, and bitch. I am also, aunt, sister, cousin and I am friend.
Then there is the one you are were given at your birth and is put on the paper they call your birth certificate. When you are a birth mother in the 60’s this was sometimes taken from you (not always) on stepping in to the mother and baby unit. I was given the name Lucy and I smiled and loved the name from the very start. Yes I thought that is who I am at this stage of my life. Is it possible to always be Lucy?
The months leading upto this moment , when I was called nothing, becoming Lucy felt good. Lucy always smiled. eyes and mouth. I can only ever remember crying once as Lucy. She was free, happy, content and I LOVED that bit of me.
Lucy was real at all times she was not behind a brick wall or in a box, neither was she like an onion with lots of skins to remove with tears. Yes that last bit is in the third person as now I am the person I was made to be I am ME and I LOVE ME. You can call me what you will that will not change me.
So why would anyone be worried upset or angry about their name being changed?
My baby was given a name at birth, that I named him and I still know him as this. It is all I have left. This is said with a lump in my throat and a tear running down my face. That name is not one he knows or one he will ever know, unless he chooses to pick up his birth certificate and search. When he was adopted, his parents would be given a certificate with his given name on.
When I was seeing Phil I called him baby, son, the man he now is, but not the name I had given him. She asked me why I never called him ########### I shouted so hard and was so angry and yes I cried. “Don’t ever use that name again, he is not called that anymore as she well knew.” At that stage I did not know the name on the file. I also screamed that I did not know weather my child was alive or dead.
Oh what a place to be.
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- Related articles: Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Parts 1&2
- Related articles: Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 3
- Related articles: Lucy – A Birth Mother’s Journey Part 4
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