My ex was found guilty of sexually abusing my daughter and I moved out of the house into rented accommodation as the house belonged to his parents, his mother stood by him and told us all to leave. The change of environment didn’t change things, the nightmare still went on. Though I was now free from the domestic abuse, namely the emotional abuse, put downs and constant belittling, my daughter was still drinking heavily, she would not see a counsellor, she said she didn’t feel ready and still to this day will not seek help.
The arguments between us went on as she continued to bring boys back to the house thinking this was acceptable. I had my two youngest children to think of. The screaming and fighting was scaring my youngest children, they would sometimes run to my mothers house to take shelter and ask for help. No one could get through to my daughter at that time, she then moved out to live with another boyfriend.
Instead of calm in the house, my eldest son became very aggressive and violent towards me, I suffered physical abuse at his hands, he was injecting himself with steroids which i told him I was against, but because his father was no longer around he showed me no respect, did not listen to me and took his anger out on me, he would grab me around the throat threatening to punch me and throw me onto the settee.
He once asked if he could use my car to take his girlfriend somewhere, I told him no as he was not insured for it and i could not risk getting my car taken off me if he got caught by the police. This made him angry and he threw a full tin of custard at me, it just missed my face and burst open against the wall leaving custard in my hair, on my face and all over my top, he then went onto throw his cuppa across the kitchen, again my youngest children fled petrified to my mothers house around the corner.
I went around to my mother’s house and called the police, he was charged and taken to court on two occasions for assault on me and also he was cautioned for assault on his girlfriend, who at the time had her son taken off her by social services, all due to my son’s aggressive behaviour and the reports of violence to the police. I begged her to leave him and try and get her son back but she always took my son back.
i was at my lowest and felt like I had no future, I questioned myself as a mother as to why i did not see the signs that my eldest daughter was being sexually abused by my husband, and why my eldest son would want to hit me and hurt me, was i such a bad mother. I was desperate, I took some paracetamols and then phoned my mother to tell her what i had done, at that time my parents and sister were not speaking to me as they did not agree with the fact that i reported my son for assaulting me.
When my mother answered the phone she said to my sister who was in the background, “she” meaning me has took some tablets to which my sister shouted “good, I hope she dies.”
Those words cut me in two, how could my own sister wish me dead or think that I must be a bad person. I felt I had no one in the world, so isolated. My mother, sister and my two youngest children came up my stairs and my mother hit me with her walking stick and told me to pull myself together, while my sister called me pathetic.
It was only when my youngest daughter now sobbing threw her arms around me and said “I love you mam, you are the best mam in the world” something inside me knew i had to be strong for my children, but I had always been put down by my ex and my family, I believed I was useless, but that changed after I heard my daughters tearful words.