What is abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms: sexual, physical, financial, emotional, domestic, neglect and bullying.
It can occur at home or at work, in the street or anywhere. Some forms of abuse are hidden and it can be difficult to see the signs and symptoms, sometimes when we have lived through abusive relationships, we hide it from those close to us and even ourselves sometimes.
Sometimes, we may not feel we’re being ‘abused’ it may have happened gradually and often by people who are close to us, or maybe the abusive person have issues themselves. If you or someone you love is effected by abuse in any form, then abuse counselling can help.
Most abuse happens because the abuser takes away our control, if it’s a secret then they hold all the power. To stop abuse we must first speak out, if we speak out, even if we only tell one other person who we can trust, we start to take back some control, this is the beginning of recovery from abuse.
Types of Abuse:
Neglect, the most common type of abuse in children and the elderly. Research shows us that children are more likely to be neglected if they’re poor, because parents are preoccupied with survival however, wealthy families neglect their children too.
Neglect occurs when parents or guardians don’t provide adequate food, shelter, safety, supervision, clothes, education, stimulating attention, or medical treatment to someone they are responsible for. Often it’s about parenting capacity, some parents or caregivers lack the skills, compassion or both to provide adequate care. Abuse counselling and Parenting support will always aim to help to improve the parent child relationship and bond.
Physical abuse can be the easiest of all four types of abuse to identify because the clues can be obvious when someone hits, slaps, beats, burns, kicks, or stabs. However, there may not be evidence when someone grabs your arm, shakes you, or pushes you around, but that’s still physical abuse. Abusive relationships can be easy to recognise, or conversely, cleverly hidden by isolating the abused person from friends and family.
Sexual abuse is any form of touching, intercourse, or exploitation of your body. This includes taking pictures of you for sexual purposes, asking you to touch someone else’s private parts, and making sexual references to your body. Being forced to touch or have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend against your will is sexual abuse if you are under the age of consent, no one should have sex against their will, this is rape. Abusive relationships can make you feel ashamed, but its not your fault. Sexual abuse will almost always require abuse counselling to work through the complex issues and emotions and it is very helpful.
Emotional abuse is when someone threatens or humiliates you or makes you feel bad. This includes calling you names, putting you down, insulting you, or breaking your things. Control is a huge part of emotional abuse and involves chronic anger, jealousy, accusations, and distrust. This type of abuse is the hardest to identify because the injuries aren’t physical or visible. Emotional abuse can be mistaken for passionate or intense love and jealousy in some cases. Abusive relationships don’t always involve physical violence, but it is very damaging. Emotional abuse can be the most damaging to our self worth and abuse counselling will help build self worth and confidence.
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways. Although the UK currently has no legal definition of bullying, some US states have laws against it. If you are bullied at work or in school it can always be stopped by sharing your worries with a counsellor who will help you change it.
Bullying is usually done to coerce others by fear or threat. In extreme cases it can result in the victim causing harm to themselves (self harm) and if the bullying continues without any support then sadly many people even children have attempted and completed suicide. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse, if you see bullying in any form, please tell someone in authority and have it recorded, anonymously if need be, or talk to me and I will help you find the right way to deal with it.
Financial Abuse is one of the forms of abuse more common in couples who live together, maybe your partner gives you just enough money to pay the things he/she entrusts you with, or maybe they don’t give you access to any money and they control every aspect of finances. This is a form of control, removing your options of escape or having any kind of life of your own. Financial abuse often goes hand in hand with other forms of abuse, particularly physical and emotional abuse, combined, they are often referred to as Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence or Partner Abuse.
Get help now – online abuse counselling worksAbuse, no matter what type of abuse is extremely damaging.
It may not be purposeful abuse but the outcome is always the same, a negative for the person being abused, in some ways on the abuser too. An abused person can be emotionally scarred for many years, even because of an unintentional comment.
If the abuse is over a sustained period of time the damage can be much more difficult to cope with and cause much more psychological hurt. If you have suffered abuse of any type, what is important is to find someone you can trust, abuse shatters trust, so this can be difficult.
Abuse Counselling – What is it?Online abuse counselling gives people who have been/are being abused a voice, by contacting a counsellor online from the safety of their own home or even from work in a lunch break. Often people break the cycle of abuse and reduce the abusers control, simply by talking to someone who wants to help. If you are living with abuse, then you may also have problems with anxiety and or depression.
When someone is being abused in any way, what is important is to get it to stop and to help the person being abused to feel safe. This sounds simple, but it isn’t. One of the first things that needs to be done to help the person being hurt is that they find someone that they can trust unconditionally. Finding such a person is extremely difficult.
Many people who genuinely want to help can find themselves so upset that they can do the wrong thing and in some cases make things even worse, this is the last thing that the person being hurt needs. What is required is someone who can listen to the facts and help the person being abused to explore their options, look at strategies for staying as safe as possible and to work at the pace of the person being abused. It is absolutely essential that ‘they’ stay in control of their situation. No matter how isolated you feel, I am here and able to help, abuse counselling is effective and at your pace.
Words from other abuse survivors
Paul has been such a huge help to me these past few weeks. He has listened & not judged. He has guided & encouraged me & shown me a way to change the ingrained patterns of my past. Patterns shaped when I was small by abuse & rejection. I am now choosing to react differently to situations.
It is not easy but I am beginning to understand myself and others more and to value myself. The road is just beginning but Paul has really set me on the right track & I will definitely come back to use his expertise again in the future if I feel I need it. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t really cover it as a phrase!
Reby – August 2016