By far the most common issue I am asked to help people with is relationship problems. Most often it is either a new relationship or a long term relationship. If it’s a new relationship, then often a couple may be struggling with the transition of moving from living a single life to sharing their lives with the person they want to be with. This is a major life change and it’s not surprising that it can be a challenge to get it right.
In long term relationships people often tell me that they have drifted apart from their partner, this is also common and understandable. Throughout our life time we change, we all do, but we don’t always change in the same way or at the same pace as our partner. Sometimes the changes which advance us, can leave a partner behind or make then feel less connected, even like a stranger.
Here is one of the major difficulties people have in relationships and some tips for improving your relationship.
- Parenting – In the early years of a relationship, parenting can be a huge reason for arguments and disharmony within a relationship. We all have our own ideas of how parenting should be done. The parenting style we want to use with our children may be decided upon as a result of how we experienced our own parenting as we were children and young adults. This is often very different from our partners experiences, so conflicting parenting styles are common.
It is important to talk about how we will parent as a couple and at least try to be on the same page so that parenting does not become a battle, after all it is going to be a long term issue, so some discussion or even parenting classes may be a very shrewd investment of your time and may save a lot of troubles ahead. Alternatively a counsellor or life coach with specific family counselling experience can help you come up with a parenting strategy which works for you both.
Long term relationships may sometimes suffer after children have grown up and left home, suddenly some people feel that their role as a parent has been lost and after many years committed to readying their children for adulthood, seeing them fly the nest may leave a massive void when that role has been lost.
Having a plan in place for what you as a couple will do once your children have grown independent is an effective way of not suddenly feeling like there is no role for them any more. Couples who plan and discuss what having more time for each other, or to follow their own interests after the parenting responsibilities are reduced generally have a much happier time, though it can be short, as many will be looking forward to being grandparents in the near future.
Paul Parkin – Online Counsellor and Life Coach
‘A journey of a thousand miles, begin with a single step’
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Paul Parkin Dip. Coun. I am a counsellor, therapist and life coach. I am passionate about helping people who are hurting or in crisis. My goal is to help people reach their full potential by providing affordable counselling online to people everywhere via my counselling website – Counsellors Online.
I have worked as a counsellor for the past 11 years, I have worked in several counselling settings, including – The National Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) the NHS. North East Council on Addictions (NECA) and Several telephone helplines including The Samaritans.
I offer low cost marriage counselling and relationship counselling online.
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