Alcohol and Abuse went hand in hand
I was a married woman with four children, two boys and two girls my ex and myself were hard workers bringing up our children in what I can’t say a happy home as such, but we did have some good times.
My ex had always had a temper and this did reflect on mine and the children’s lives. Each day i would learn not to upset him and if he was in a good mood the children were happy, but unfortunately he was mainly in a bad mood. I would warn the children not to upset their father or if they wanted to ask him something i would say not too, as today is not a good day due to him being in a bad mood.
I realise now that I am out of the marriage, that over the years he wore me down with more verbal and emotional abuse. When we were out I would find it impossible to relax and enjoy myself because he was always giving verbal abuse to someone, my friends got less and less involved in my life.
My ex was also clever because he came across so good and kind to others, but in our home it was a different story, he was a very angry man, he used to throw plates of food across the room smashing the plate off the wall, he would go to hit the children with a slipper or a belt which is why i kept the children out of his way as much as i could. How sad I had to do that, their own father.
One day I will always remember, our eldest daughter wanted to go out to a party but because she was under age we both told her no way, she is however, a very stubborn child and if she thinks she is in the right she will fight her corner no matter what. My ex lost his temper with her, he pinned her down on the stairs and went to hit her until my eldest son jumped over the banister and hit his father, first shouting for him to leave her alone this shocked my ex because this was the first time they ever gave him a taste of his own medicine. My eldest son ran out of the house as his father took chase, my ex wanted to phone the police onto our son for assault which i would not let him do as he was only sticking up for his sister.
My eldest daughter was always drinking, taking drugs and forever getting excluded from school for her bad behaviour and back answering to the teaching staff, she also used to run away from school. A couple of times I went looking for her along with the headteacher in the headteachers car, she even took cans of drink into school. My mental health was affected because I would talk to her asking her why she was acting in such a way, compared to the other children. she always clamped up but she hated her father and it seemed like her father hated her they would always be arguing, he even locked her in her bedroom once when he grounded her at 14 and she escaped through the window and ran away to meet up with her boyfriend who she was seeing at the time.
I also noticed she had no respect for anyone not even herself she would brag that she had slept with lots of boys. She would say things to me that were really hurtful like she hated me and wished i was dead, this broke my heart and this is when i was first put on antidepressants for depression.
Then one day we had a family gathering for my eldest son and eldest daughter’s birthday, they are only days apart, I put on a spread and some family members attended, including my mother in law, my father in law had passed away some years earlier, I thought as a result of my eldest daughters behaviour as she was close to him. My mother and father were there, as well as my sister and her children and a family friend. As usual my ex drank whiskey, this was his usual drink every night. I do not drink alcohol, but my eldest son and daughter did, which their father allowed because he thought it was ok for them to be drinking in the home. I could never relax because i always knew where alcohol was, trouble followed in our house.
To be continued tomorrow…
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This story so far has really touched me and I can totally identify with the writer. The awful feeling of having to walk on eggshells constantly in your own home is so hard, trying to keep everything ticking over for your children’s sake but living in constant fear of the outbursts.
It does take a toll on your mental state and affects your children too, my heart goes out to you and I look forward to reading more of your story.