It all began around the year 2000 myself, husband & children had just moved to a new house in a new area. My husband had always had a volatile temper and seemed to be becoming worse, I had just started a new job as both of my children were now full time at school.
My job involved going into clients homes Ironing, cleaning etc. As my work progressed my husband starting to become suspicious of the houses I was going into, he kept making remarks about who was in the houses, which was usually no one as they were out at work. then he started turning up unannounced when I was at work, it was as if he was trying to catch me doing something wrong.
He started accusing me of getting up to no good with one of the males in the house I was working in, which was not true, this continued and I felt like I had no option but to quit my job as the accusations just kept coming. This did not improve things and from then on I was accused of everything even, sleeping with his close friends.
To be honest every time I went anywhere alone he would have something derogatory to say, as he thought I was meeting someone, even if I just went to the shop! I couldn’t even buy nice underwear as there would be a scene, it got to the point where I had to explain where I’d been, every time I went out alone. I was getting to the point where I no longer wanted to leave the house alone.
He began going out with his friends drinking heavily and on his return there would be some very unpleasant name calling, such as slag etc. He would also lose his temper in front of our children, smashing things in the home. This was a pattern that continued, then in late February 2008 I missed a period which was very unusual as I’d been diagnosed with Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome a few years ago, meaning I couldn’t fall pregnant.
I had been off the contraceptive pill for 8 yrs so I bought a pregnancy test and did it at home alone without telling him as in the back of my mind I envisaged how he’d react, the test was positive and I informed him I was pregnant, his reaction was scary, he lost his temper and said there was no way this baby could be his and he was going to go to the doctors for tests on his fertility as I haven’t fallen wrong in 8 yrs.
He called me numerous names and I was then blanked completely for a few days, he would not discuss the pregnancy at all. Over the following week the accusations continued and I could feel my stress levels rising and one morning I awoke bleeding, there was no concern from him and I had to go to the doctors alone, whereby the doctor diagnosed a threatened miscarriage and immediately rang the hospital to admit me that same day.
I went home to tell him I had to go to hospital, he wasn’t concerned at all and I had to drive myself to a hospital, quite far from home. On arrival I had several examinations and tests and they advised me to have an ultrasound scan, which was booked for the next day at another hospital.
Upon returning home from hospital I received no care or concern from him and I was in a very stressed state worrying about my baby. The next day I drove alone to have my scan to see if the baby was still alive, I was very stressed and anxious while waiting and had no one to support me, fortunately the scan confirmed my baby was alive and well and the cysts that had been on my ovaries had just disappeared of their own accord, I was ecstatic.
I returned home with the news but he wasn’t interested one bit. He continued with his accusations and insults throughout my pregnancy, he did attend a couple of ultrasound scans but it was just to save face. I received no love or care towards my pregnant state, not once did he touch my growing bump, as he had with my previous pregnancies, he did not want my bump anywhere near him. I had to cope with housework and everything else alone as he was working 7 day weeks continually.
I was given a date for an induction due to my age which was to be the md November and upon being induced my contractions started immediately rapidly peaking on each other, there was no time for pain relief and I was in agony.
All the time he just sat in the corner of the delivery room, he gave no care or support to ease my pain. When the baby was born he showed no emotion at all and when he left I broke down and cried. Even after the birth he continued with the accusations and he even said out loud to the baby things like “wonder where you came from” and “look at your fat face you look nothing like our other children”.
Things carried on like this and on Xmas day 2008 we all sat down to dinner, one of my children asked to play with her new games console after lunch, he lost his temper threw his dinner plate on the floor, then banged the door against the wall leaving a hole, he then went upstairs and locked himself in the bathroom whilst me and my children were downstairs fearful of what he might do.
He stayed there til the next morning and then we all got the silent treatment from him for a couple of days. Following this I decided I need to find a way to leave him so unknown to him I filled in a housing form and kept it in my bag, but I was scared of what he might do if he found out so I began trying to plan how to leave him with the help of my eldest daughter.
During 2009 and 2010 he began having trouble with his bowels and stomach cramps and when he was eating his tea he began saying he could taste bleach and asked if I’d had his food near bleach, he started to leave meals that I’d prepared and continued saying he could taste detergent in his food, this got to the point where I stopped making him meals altogether, no way would I ever dream of putting anything in someone’s food, never!
Then I found out that he had been going through my contraceptive pills. I started on the pill again after having the baby, but sometimes I would forget to take one and would take two pills in the same day. he had noticed this and confronted me asking if my younger daughter was taking my pills because there was two gone on the same day.
I couldn’t believe it he then accused me of putting pills in his food. Our relationship deteriorated and not only did I have the accusations about sleeping around, I now felt like he was accusing me of poisoning his food, he was losing the plot and it was like walking on eggshells.