In counselling I got to discuss and explore some skeletons I had kept in my cupboard for years, like how my mother has never been maternal towards me, and how I think she blames me for her marrying my father as she was pregnant with me at the time.
There is a big age gap between my sister and I and she is the apple of my mothers eye, she could never do wrong, not that I was jealous, I just accepted it, though it must have hurt deep down. I too was abused as a child but have never told a soul, only my partner and here now writing this, I hope my story can help others who have been through similar things. The person who abused me is now dead and I want and hope it to go to my grave with me.
There has been enough upset in my family, now I am a happy person, putting my happiness first for the first time in my life. Counselling has taught me not to feel guilty for putting myself first before, you see all my life has been about keeping everyone else happy, but now I realise that its an impossible task and I was no better thought of for trying.
I am moving on with my life, my youngest children are doing really well in school and never stop laughing. The laughter in our house is so lovely to hear and I wish I had met my partner years ago, that we could have had children together, but my own children are my world.
My partner and myself have set a wedding date and even though not all my family will be there, I am going to make sure its our special day, with my two youngest, my eldest daughter and her partner there. Hopefully time will heal the anger my eldest son feels against us and in the future we will be one happy family yet again, that is my goal and hope.