Why do men cross-dress?

This is cross-dressing information and support for the partner, husband, wife, friend or a family of a man who cross-dresses.

For men who cross-dress, you can get more information below.read more

If you’ve just discovered that a man you care about is wearing clothes usually worn by the opposite gender, you may be feeling surprised or shocked and have many questions.

It’s normal for many people to feel worried and concerned when they find out a loved one is cross-dressing, and that’s completely okay.

A man contemplating about the women dresses in the closet.

This page was created from my experience of helping men who wear clothes, traditionally worn by and designed for women.

I’m here to listen and help you with any questions you have. We can talk about any worries, concerns, or biases you may have about cross-dressing. Together, we can figure out what it means and how it might affect your relationship.

Cross-dressing can be confusing for many because there are many incorrect ideas and misunderstandings about it. This makes it difficult for people to understand its true meaning and causes.

Many men who cross-dress don’t know why they have this behaviour or desire.

This lack of understanding can be very distressing for everyone involved.

My role is to help men accept and understand their cross-dressing. I want to help them make sense of their feelings and give trustworthy information based on research to them, their partners, families, and friends. By doing this, we can learn why cross-dressing occurs, why it continues, and find positive ways to manage it.

I have worked with over 5,000 men who cross-dress, and I’ve also supported more than 2,000 of their partners, friends, and family members.

In most cases, there is a way through this and in most cases cross-dressing support, helps to improve those relationships.

If you’re a wife, partner or girlfriend of a man that cross-dresses and would like support for yourself, or advice on how you can support your loved one, please contact me for either one-to-one support, or inclusion in the anonymous support group for wives, girlfriends or partners of men who cross-dress read more

Here are some of the common questions people often ask when they discover their loved one is cross-dressing:

Discovering that a man or boy you care about is wearing women’s or feminine clothing can be a big surprise. It’s essential to know that cross-dressing is not about sexuality or gender.

A lot of people have misunderstandings and wrong ideas about cross-dressing, which can lead to strong emotions and fears. But it’s important to know that cross-dressing is not something bad or strange, only very misunderstood.

Many men and boys who cross-dress have been doing it for a long time, and for some, it becomes a strong desire. If you recently found out about the cross-dressing, or have been trying to handle it for a while, you may feel stressed and anxious. I can provide helpful information and tools to manage stress and anxiety and in doing so actually reduce the need to cross-dress.

In most cases, boys and men who cross-dress have also struggled with their feelings about it for a long time. They may need support and help to fully understand what they are going through.

It’s normal for partners, parents, and friends to question everything about a boy or man’s behaviour when they find out about his cross-dressing.

People in shock may feel hurt because they were unaware or not told about it, and they might worry if there are other secrets.

Considering the misunderstandings about cross-dressing, it’s not surprising that your loved one kept it a secret from you and others.

This can be very painful, and trust needs to re-built. Both of you need help and support right now.

Many partners, parents and friends worry about cross-dressing.

The majority of cross-dressing men and boys are attracted to girls and women and are not interested in men.

It’s not usually about sexuality or gender, more often, it’s about attachment and their early years experiences.

For many men cross dressing is a comfort, and escape or a learned to behaviour, their brain is programmed to see cross-dressing as a comfort and the way of managing their emotions.

We all have a male and a female part of the brain, sometimes, because of environmental issues, men can find a difficult to express that gently side of themselves.

When you find out your partner is cross-dressing, it can raise many questions about how your future together might be. You might be wondering if it could work at all. It’s very common to worry that your partner’s feelings have changed or that it’s somehow about you, but usually, it’s not about you. Learning about cross-dressing can give you reassurance.

Most of the time, cross-dressing is a personal need and doesn’t typically change how your partner feels about you. Couples can work together to understand these feelings and make their relationship even stronger.

I’ve helped many couples share their feelings and understand each other re cross-dressing. In most cases, this has deepened their relationship, as they learned the facts and realities of cross-dressing.

When people are shocked by their loved one’s cross-dressing, they might want them to stop, but it’s more helpful to understand what cross-dressing means.

Usually, men find it hard to stop cross-dressing if it’s a way to cope with something from their past or a childhood attachment issue.

It’s essential to remember that he’s probably feeling awful and scared now that his secret is out. Both of you need support from a professional who knows about cross-dressing and can understand both your feelings.

My experience working with men and partners of cross-dressers will be valuable in helping you understand and improve your relationship, and rebuilding trust.

I have researched why men and boys cross-dress, and it can be because of different reasons:

The kind of relationship a man or boy had with his parents, especially his mother, might influence cross-dressing.

Being in an environment where females have a bigger role can also play a part.

Feeling a loss or a lack of emotional connection with a parent, mainly the mother, sometimes the father, can be a factor.

For some, expressing a softer, gentler side of their nature has not always been easy, which might lead to cross-dressing.

Men may be attracted to the variety of clothing and softer fabrics in women’s fashion.

Some men don’t feel attractive as men and see cross-dressing as an escape from those feelings.

In some cases, being born male when parents wanted a girl can lead a boy to adopt a more feminine look.

Usually, it’s a combination of one or more of these aspects, and it’s quite complex. Please discuss the individual situation with me to have a complete assessment and understanding.

Cross-dressing can be really tough for boys and men because of misunderstandings and misconceptions in society. They might feel isolated and lost, and in some cases, life becomes very difficult. Some seek therapy, while others struggle for years, and some even turn to alcohol or drugs to cope.

People mistakenly assume that cross-dressing means they are gay or doing something wrong sexually, making it hard to talk about.

Those who cross-dress often fear rejection if they share their secret. They may feel guilty, ashamed, and dislike themselves for cross-dressing, making it tough to talk about. If others find out, they can feel desperate and scared.

However, cross-dressing has logical and psychological reasons and is not deviant. Understanding the cause can ease concerns and fears.

It’s crucial that everyone involved gets the right information to understand what’s happening and repair the relationship.

Much of the information about cross-dressing is inaccurate, so it’s advisable to talk to someone with experience and knowledge of cross dressing.

Approach this situation with care and compassion, and try to understand as much as you can.

The boy or man you love may not have talked to anyone about cross-dressing, so it’s important to respect their privacy, especially because there’s still a lot of misunderstanding and stigma in society.

Talk to me to learn more about cross-dressing and increase your understanding.

Get the support and information you need to have, in order to have a useful conversation with your loved one.

I’m Paul Parkin, a therapist and life coach. This is why cross-dresser’s, their partners and loved ones, should work with me:

Paul Parkin Online CounsellorI was the first therapist to conduct research with cross-dressers and to support them and their partners and families with a completely confidential service.

I am fully qualified in the UK and
I have 15 years’ experience of working with cross-dressers and their loved ones.

I use a range of counselling and life coaching tools for an effective, solution focused approach.

Online therapy offers great convenience, get support from the comfort of your own home, or even your car.

What some of my recent clients have said about our work together.

‘I found Paul helpful and professional. He explained very important facts about cross-dressing in simple words and verbalised problems and ideas for possible solutions.

I feel relieved to know he can guide us to re-build our trust, at the same time I feel no pressure to work on this process, knowing Paul is there to help us.

I have felt alone and isolated for a long time, because I could not talk about this with anyone.

Now we feel I should have contacted him earlier, so that we could have avoided un-constructive arguments and sleepless nights.’

Anonymous. UK.
April 2024.

‘Having only recently discovered my husband is a cross-dresser after 16 years of marriage was quite a shock and I felt isolated and didn’t know what to think about where our relationship was heading.

I reached out to Paul and found a knowledgeable, empathetic person who could provide me with answers to my questions and help me find perspective and a sense of peace as we navigate this new phase in our relationship.

After just one session I feel more at peace and less fearful than I have the past few weeks.

Having found Paul I know that we have someone who understands our situation and has the experience to provide the extra support we need right now.’

S. Australia.

March 2024.

‘After recently finding out my partner has been cross-dressing since he can remember, I have felt very confused and a lot of upset.

Naturally, I began to Google and panic that my partner would not be attracted to me and that it may mean he’s confused about his gender.

I have only had an introductory session with Paul, but if you are considering it and need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to get an initial chat booked in. After only 30 minutes I already feel a lot more understanding on a topic I knew nothing about. I want to fully support and understand my partner, and I hope he also would like to speak to Paul to understand more about himself and the way he is feeling. I don’t want him to feel alienated anymore.

Paul is kind, understanding and puts you at complete ease. From reading other reviews about couples seeking support from Paul after years of marriage it can be very daunting for a younger couple (we are both 24) but I feel that I will be better equipped and knowledgeable to support someone I love moving forward. Thank you, Paul – I look forward to our next Session.’

Susan. UK.
May 2023.

‘I spoke with Paul on several occasions and he was able to give me great insight into my cross-dressing boyfriend. It helped me to understand and accept him in a really useful way that we have resolved the difficulties we were having. The online element to me was fab as, I had privacy and Paul being remote actually made the difficult topics easy to talk about. Thank you for your wonderful help.’

Audrey. UK.
April 2021.

‘I contacted Paul after much thought and the sense of relief I felt was enormous.

I’d discovered 5 years ago that my husband was a cross-dresser. Our relationship has suffered through this and other life issues, subsequently separating.

Recently though we’ve got back together and with Paul’s help have looked into the cross-dressing and the reasons behind it and our relationship as a whole. We are now in the process of rebuilding.

Paul has been so so important in all of this, helping both of us with his insight, compassion and a great person to offload to.

For me as a wife of a cross-dresser Paul has removed the taboo that surrounds this, so important when you are trying to see a way through a situation that I thought at first was totally hopeless.

I’d say to anyone who finds them self in the same situation, that there is help out there and you are not on your own. Paul has a wealth of knowledge on this subject and this is why I approached him.

Good luck!’

S. UK.
January 2021.

‘I contacted Paul because my husband’s cross-dressing has become a problem, he did tell me about it when he met but things have changed. Paul’s online counselling really helped me understand cross-dressing and what I could do to understand and support my husband as well as how to express my feelings. Thanks Paul.‘

A. UK.
February 2016.

Ready to get started?