We all use the expression ‘self esteem’ but what do we mean by it
Some people think that self esteem means confidence, and of course confidence comes into it, but self esteem is more than confidence.
Self esteem is the authentic manner in which we truly feel about ourselves. It is not generally affected by those around us now, but it can be linked to people who were close to us in our formative young years.
There are many successful people who would in private admit that they have low self esteem. To the outside world low self esteem can be disguised by a real or pseudo confidence. You may have heard the phrase ‘fake it to make it’ well many people use that strategy to compensate for a low self esteem.
These are some of the words and phrases someone with low self estem may use to describe themselves:
- I feel stupid
- I haven’t accomplished anything
- I am a failure
- I did not reach my full potential
- I hate myself
- I hate my body
- I am ugly
- I am too fat or too thin
- I have no confidence
- I need a makeover
If you find yourself thinking or saying any of these things, you may benefit from working on your self esteem with a therapist. The great news is that we can all improve how we feel about ourselves. Not everyone will say these things out loud but many people may feel this way inside.
Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors, comedians and singers in particular can seem to glow with assurance ‘on stage’ and yet off-stage many of them feel desperately insecure. Indeed, individuals can be stunningly attractive and world-famous, and seem poised and perfect, yet still deep down, find it hard to value themselves. Think of the late Princess of Wales and Marilyn Monroe and you’ll accept, I think, that public adulation is no guarantee of self-belief.
Here’s a quick test, ask yourself these questions and answer honestly
- Do I like myself
- Do I think I’m a good human being
- Am I someone deserving of love
- Do I deserve happiness
- Do I really feel – both in my mind and deep in my guts that I’m an OK person
People with low self esteem find it hard to answer ‘yes’ to these questions. Perhaps you are one of them. If so, what can you do?
- Firstly, you can begin by accepting that you are certainly not alone. Around 65% of the UK population (It is even higher in the United States) have this problem, and turn to a qualified self esteem counsellor, therapist or life coach for confidential support and to explore ways of building self esteem, and yes it can be done quite effectively in relatively short time scales in most cases. Online counselling and online life coaching makes seeking help easily accessible from your home or work place.
- Secondly, you can take on board a very important fact, which is that you are a wonderful, individual and special person. there is no one quite like you. Your fingerprints and your DNA are totally different from everybody else’s, unless you happen to have an identical twin. Your mind and how it thinks and operates is absolutely your own. This means that out of six billion people in the world, you are a one-off. So if nature has bothered to make you utterly unique, don’t you feel that you should accept that you’re important, and that you have as much right as anyone else to be on this planet and be happy?
Put simply, your self-esteem is how well you think about yourself compared to other people, such as friends and workmates. Low self esteem means that you think you are a lesser person than others. It can often be traced back to early childhood experiences, such as heavy criticism, being abandoned, feeling unloved, feeling unattractive, too fat or too thin. Being ridiculed or abused. It can also be a symptom of depression.
Indicators of low self esteem
- Feeling that you’re not good enough – even if you are
- Decreased confidence
- Putting yourself down all the time
- Being too scared to try new things
- Unsure of your good qualities
- Making no effort because you expect to mess things up
- Being timid, not asserting yourself
- Losing your temper
- Picking fights
- Worrying about getting even
- Blaming others for your problems
- Constantly bickering about petty issues
Raising your self esteem
Counselling and short-term cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) are very helpful for most people with low self esteem. It allows a person to clear out the cobwebs and release their inhibitions step by step. Raising self esteem enables you to feel better about your self and recognise your good qualities. Your relationships improve, and you become a happier person.
Working with an online counsellor is the best way to do this. If you would like to improve your self esteem, self esteem therapy really does work and the benefits last a life time. Invest in a better future for yourself now, you are worth it!
Professional and experienced Online Counsellor (Therapist) and Online Life Coach Paul Parkin’s Self Esteem Counselling experience.
I am an experienced, professional online counsellor, with over 15 years experience working as a counsellor (therapist) and life coach offering confidential, affordable counselling online to clients anywhere in the world. Book a £38 / 50 min session click here.
By living a simple life and working from home I have reduced my costs enabling me to reduce the session fees for clients, making counselling online more accessible to people seeking counselling online.
I have worked in the field of self esteem counselling and therapy for several years both face to face and online counselling. Over the years one issue more than any other seems to affect people and how they live their lives. Self esteem or a positive self esteem is essential to reaching our full potential and living a happy life.
I will work with you to learn how to build and improve your self esteem, this is the key to a successful and happy existence. Low self esteem counselling works very effectively.
I don’t think very highly of my self and I have no confidence please help me. I feel so alone and I cannot sustain a relationship with anyone.
I am sorry to hear you feel alone, but you are not. Please email me and let’s sort this out. self esteem can take a while to improve, but the good news is that it can be improved with some very simple exercises which I will help you with. You will see improvements in just a short time.
More confidence will come with better self esteem and you will have a better relationship with yourself and others too, you will then feel less alone.
It may help to take a look at the following link on relationships there is a section on the importance of the relationship we have with our self.
I hope to hear from you soon Alex.
Best wishes Paul, online counsellor (therapist) and online life coach.