Relationships and marriage problems and the complexities of them can either make our lives bliss or depressing. Finding a way to co exist with our partner or spouse is one of life’s major challenges. In my work as a counsellor this issue more than any other gets people down, relationship and marriage counselling online is much more popular today than in years gone by.
Couples are much more likely to turn to a professional relationship and marriage counsellor to help them sort out their differences and problems. Busy times and the pressures on relationships have seen a sharp increase in the numbers of couples seeking relationship and marriage counselling online.
Relationships and friendships are constantly changing, they may include perfect moments with a spouse or partner but in any long term and committed relationship there will be many highs, lows and lengthy periods of not speaking or worse.
Even in strong relationships there will be times when unforeseen changes to our circumstances affect our partner or our relationships and marriage.
People change and relationships change
People change and we all change at different paces, if our partner starts a new hobby or a new job it can sometimes change the relationship dynamics and rock the boat, sometimes this can cause frustration and a sense of not knowing the person we started out in the relationship with.Relationship and marriage problems can be triggered by a multitude of other issues too. Sometimes major life events such as job loss, past abuse, depression, illness. all can add pressures to our relationships and we can struggle with who we are within a relationship or marriage.
It is common to hear people say that they have lost themselves as an individual because of being in a relationship or marriage. Any of these issues can cause significant personal and relationship or marriage stress, which can pile pressure on the partnership or marriage and lead to breaking point.
Without support and sometimes the help of a professional caring relationship and marriage counsellor, many relationships and marriage can end in separation and or divorce and bitter feuds.
Some relationships labor under the pressure of one partner or spouse suffering a serious personal issue such as an addiction, substance misuse or past emotional, physical or sexual abuse problem.
Physical and intimacy issues
Sometimes in long term relationships a couples libido may dramatically reduce, often sexual issues can create tension and due to the nature of the subject, some people are reluctant to talk things through sufficiently, leading to a breakdown in communication. Good relationships need good communication, however, many relationships and couples continue to function even after episodes of infidelity or domestic abuse, sometimes referred to as partner abuse. Working through these issues is possible and many relationships recover.
Other factors which can cause marriage and relationship troubles
In these times of austerity measures, rising unemployment and the lowest sense of job security for decades it is not surprising that some couples have traumatic life challenges to cope with. Maintaining a relationship is hard enough without these added challenges.Relationships can change dramatically in a very short space of time and it can be difficult to not lose our way, maybe the birth of a child has brought you closer together or maybe as often is the case, it has pushed you apart as a couple, having children can turn a healthy caring relationship into a couple feeling like strangers. It isn’t always like that, for some marriages, children really are a blessing, but initially it can be a huge culture shock to the relationship. An unhappy marriage can result in problems including depression and heightened levels of stress and even low self esteem.
If you feel your marriage is in trouble then it probably is, however, many problems can be resolved and they don’t have to result in separation or divorce. Sometimes couples just need some professional outside help to see a way through the challenges of maintaining a healthy relationship. It is rare that everything in a marriage is bad and even if it feels like that, a marriage counsellor can help you as an individual or as a couple.
Whatever is worrying you or making you unhappy in your relationship, the first step is to acknowledge the problem exists and then to understand the root cause of the problem before finding the support and marriage guidance to help you to cope and move forward in a more positive manner.
Personal issues affect relationships
Many relationship and marriage problems have their roots in personal issues from childhood, maybe both parties in the marriage have past issues which make th relationship complex. It is well researched and now widely accepted that our relationship with our parents during our early years and our early childhood development is crucial and has an impact on our ability to find, maintain and have successful marriages and relationships as adults. Counsellors and therapists call these issues ‘Attachment’ issues.Talking to a qualified counsellor with specialised expertise in attachment will enable you to explore the Issues affecting your relationship if past issues are a factor in your current relationship or marriage. A skilled counsellor will help you to look at ways of addressing the underlying problems, and could help improve your past relationships too, as well as helping you to make better relationship choices in the future.
The following list shows some of the common relationship and marriage stress factors:
- Coping with the introduction of a new baby
- Finding out your partner or spouse has had, or is having an affair
- Constant arguing and an inability to communicate effectively
- You are having an affair, or are not attracted physically to your partner
- Problems with your sex life, or your partner does not satisfy your sexual needs
- Work pressures or other outside influences, such as interfering families
- A large age gap between you and your partner, or a total lack of shared interests
- Financial worries and pressures, debt or a gambling or other addiction worry
- A feeling that you are drifting apart as a couple
- The Menopause or a mid life crisis
Relationships constitute a major aspect of our lives and whilst a supportive, fulfilling relationship or marriage can enrich our lives, conversely a difficult relationship can make life a living nightmare. There is a quote I like, ‘Nothing lasts forever – not even our troubles’
That is true of most of our problems, they can be fixed, we just have to take that first step and seek the right kind of help, either together or as a couple.
Online Counsellor (Therapist) and Online Life Coach, Paul Parkin, is a professional and experienced Online Counsellor who has 15 years of experience in Relationship and Marriage Counselling field.
Over 15 years experience working as a counsellor and life coach, I offer affordable counselling online to clients everywhere in the world (including: England, Belgium, India, Korea, Thailand and even traveller’s who move around from one country to another.) Read their testimonialsBy living a simple life and working from home I have reduced my costs enabling me to reduce the session fees for clients, making counselling online more accessible to people seeking marriage and relationship counselling.
I have worked in the field of relationship counselling and marriage counselling for several years both face to face and online counselling. I have knowledge and understanding of Attachment Theory and how human beings think and behave, this makes me the perfect choice for the relationship support and advice that we all need at some point in our relationships.
I help people identify the underlying reasons for their problems or unhappy relationships and then work with clients to address these factors which can affect how we live and exist with ourselves and with others. Most relationships are complex and an increased understanding re the self will help to resolve most relationship difficulties.
My partner and I contacted Paul because we were looking for relationship counselling. We’d been together for nearly 10 years but were going through a very tough time where trust was broken and we couldn’t go on anymore without external help.
Paul replied instantly and was really flexible setting up the first session. All of them were held separately which makes sense as it enabled him to get to know both sides of the story without anyone of us feeling like they can’t be honest or holding back.
He’s been incredibly supportive from the beginning on and gave us tools and exercises in each session to apply every day. He gave us not just individual tools on how to cope with anger, stress, frustration and anxiety, but also couples’ tools helping our communication with and understanding towards each other.
Overall, we worked with him for four to five months and had mostly individual sessions combined with a couple of joined ones.
I can honestly say that Paul has helped lift our relationship to a new level which I never thought we’d be able to reach again. We’re now more happy together than ever, but also feel much better individually. I thoroughly recommend working with him and would always reach out to him again if I ever felt like it. Plus, the sessions are very reasonably priced compared to other counselling options.
Thank you Paul
Annika, UK 2020