What is Domestic Violence?

There are a number of different definitions of Domestic Violence. In Women's Aid's view, Domestic Violence is Physical Abuse, Psychological Abuse, Sexual Abuse or Financial Violence that takes place within an intimate or family-type Relationship and forms a pattern of coercive and Controlling Behaviour. This can include Forced Marriage and so-called 'Honour' Crimes. Domestic Violence often includes a range of Abusive Behaviours, not all of which are, in themselves, inherently 'Violent' - hence some people prefer to use the term 'Domestic Abuse' rather than 'Domestic Violence'.

Domestic Violence is very common: research shows that it affects one in four women in their lifetime. Two women a week are killed by their partners or former partners. Men too suffer from domestic violence, however in much smaller numbers.  All forms of Domestic Violence - Psychological, Financial, Emotional and Physical - come from the Abuser's desire for Power and Control over an intimate partner or other family members. Domestic Violence is repetitive and life-threatening, it tends to worsen over time and it destroys the lives of women and children.

Domestic Violence also has an enormous effect on the Children in the family. Nearly three-quarters of Children considered 'At risk' by Social Services are living in households where one of their parents/carers is Abusing the other. A high proportion of these children are themselves being Abused - either Physically or Sexually - by the same Perpetrator. (Estimates vary between 30% to 66% depending upon the study.)

How will my Children be affected by the Violence?

If you have Children, you have probably tried to shield them from the Domestic Violence as much as you possibly can. Perhaps you are hoping they do not know it is happening. However, in the majority of families where there are Children, and where abuse is being perpetrated, the children will be aware of this, and will often hear it or see it going on. According to the Department of Health, at least 50,000 Children a year witness Domestic Violence. In some cases, the Children themselves will suffer Physical or Sexual Abuse from the same Perpetrator.
 
Children can witness Domestic Violence in a variety of ways. For example, they may be in the same room and may get caught in the middle of an incident, perhaps in an effort to make the Violence stop; they may be in another room but be able to hear the Abuse or see their mother's Physical injuries following an incident of Violence; or they may be forced to take part in verbally Abusing the Victim. Children are completely dependent on the adults around them, and if they do not feel safe in their own homes, this can have many negative Physical and Emotional effects. All Children witnessing Domestic Violence are being Emotionally Abused, and this is now recognised as 'Significant Harm' in recent legislation (1).
 
Children will react in different ways to being brought up in a home with a Violent person. Age, Race, Sex, Culture, Stage Of Development, and individual Personality will all have an effect on a Child's responses. Most Children, however, will be affected in some way by Tension or by witnessing Arguments, Distressing Behaviour or Assaults - even if they do not always show this. They may feel that they are to Blame, or - like you - they may feel Angry, Guilty, insecure, Alone, Frightened, Powerless, or Confused. They may have Ambivalent Feelings, both towards the Abuser, and towards the Non-Abusing Parent.

These are some of the effects of Domestic Violence on Children:

•   They may become Anxious or Depressed.
•    They may have difficulty Sleeping.
•    They may have nightmares or flashbacks.
•    They may complain of Physical symptoms such as tummy aches.
•    They may start to Wet their bed.
•    They may have Temper Tantrums.
•    They may Behave as though they are much younger than they are.
•    They may have Problems at School, or may start Truanting.
•    They may become Aggressive.
•    They may Internalise their Distress and Withdraw from other people.
•    They may have a lowered sense of Self-Worth or Confidence.
•    Older children may start to use Alcohol or Drugs.
•    They may begin to Self-Harm by taking Overdoses or Cutting themselves.
•    They may develop an Eating Disorder.

How can Online Counselling help with Domestic Violence?

Many people who were Trapped in the secrecy of Domestic Violence have found that Online Counselling has helped them in several ways.  A victim of Domestic Violence is safer if someone knows what is happening.  Many people being Abused in this way feel unable to leave their home and are therefore unable to seek Help and Support, Counselling Online can give a link to the outside world, without ever leaving the home.  Alternatively, if the home is not a safe environment, or there is no internet access, most Libraries have Free internet access, and Qualified Online Counsellors can be contacted in safety, without the Perpetrator ever knowing their victim is seeking help.

After discussing your issues with a Qualified Online Counsellor, they will help you to  feel more like a Survivor, rather than a Victim, this may be just talking about the Domestic Violence, or sharing their fears and worries, it may be to seek the Practical Support they may need  to break free from the Domestic Violence, this process can be weeks, months or years and the Victim can be Supported until they feel ready to make their Life Change.

A female Qualified, Online Counsellor can offer a Listening ear, some Practical Advice on how to stay safe, and when the time is right, Support the client through seeking help to reach a safer, better place, whether that is Emotionally or a Physical move to safety. Get help with domestic violence here now.

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