Looking at it from a distance, your chosen partner may well fit all your criteria, they may well be honest, pleasant, attractive, loving, authentic and so into you that you would be a fool to let him/her go.
They totally get you and you are so in tune with one another but there is something not quite right. Has this happened before, is it a curse which always ends up with you being alone, does it feel better, safer that way.
If this is sounding familiar to you, you may have some commitment issues.
So what does that mean ‘commitment issues’, well it may mean that you feel unable to enter into a lasting relationship fully, you may have dipped your toe in the water and splashed it around a little, but it all feels half hearted.
You may have even asked your self why you cannot go the whole nine yards, maybe others have commented on your lack-luster attempts at relationships, so what is going on?
It may surprise you to know that 80% of the UK population has issues with commitment too. So you may be able to understand that finding that person who feels able to connect fully and in an intimate way is not as easy as you may have first thought.
So what is the cause of this dramatic percentage? Well it all starts with Parenting, or rather with attachment.
John Boulby’s research on attachment demonstrated that the kind of attachment we have as infants to our main caregiver can actually be the blueprint for our future relationships well into adulthood.
So if you were not amongst the 20% of children who received the correct type of attachment to your main caregiver (usually a parent or close family member) then this may explain your difficulties in committing to your partner many years later.
If this all sounds too familiar, don’t despair, therapeutic work with a counsellor can help you to understand the reasons and some of the barriers to commitment, A qualified, experienced counselor with an understanding of attachment will be able to help you learn how to create that special relationship and make commitment a lot less scary.
